Not too long ago, I was utilizing the services of a life coach. (Just because I am one, doesn’t mean I can’t use some help now and then sorting out my own “stuff”.) She has amazing insight and was often able to put her finger right on something that needed attention. On one of our calls, I was voicing my frustrations around the fact that my husband, Kevin, wasn’t picking up after himself. (I’m sure no one can relate to that one!) Once I finished venting, she asked me, “So, how are you like that?” “I’m not!” I adamantly replied. “I don’t leave my stuff all over the place. I am not like that and that is why it drives me crazy.”
She patiently listened to my defensive reply and then went on to explain that often the things that trigger our frustrations are traits that we don’t like about ourselves. While I usually valued her ideas and opinions, I knew she had to be dead wrong on this one. But I decided not to argue and we moved on to other things. But, even after the call -- in fact, over the next several days -- the question didn’t move on. It rang over and over in my mind. How am I like that? How am I like that? Like what? I don’t leave my socks on the floor….that’s just inconsiderate. Wait…inconsiderate. How am I inconsiderate? Bingo. That’s it! Sometimes I am inconsiderate. Sometimes I don’t return phone calls right away. Sometimes I forget to return borrowed items. Sometimes I say I will submit by Blog entry by Friday and then don’t send it until Monday. Yikes….I AM inconsiderate!
So, like a dog with its tail between its legs, I admitted to my coach (and more importantly to myself) that I possess some of the traits that I find most frustrating in others. OUCH. And that realization has brought a better understanding of grace and forgiveness. Perhaps it’s time to focus on the plank in my own eye and extend some grace to others – including my husband.
As iron sharpens iron, so one spouse sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17, my paraphrase).
How are you being sharpened in your relationships?
- Wendy
Oooh! This one hits far too close to home! Every time I go after my teenaged daughter for her various shortcomings, knowing she can do much better, she looks at me and says "What difference does it make to you? It's my life!". I realize my fear is not so much that she will go through life not being able to find anything in her messy rooms and not living up to her true potential, but that she'll have the same struggles and regrets I've had to deal with in my life. From her point of view I'm over the top. From my point of view there is real danger if she doesn't learn from me NOW.
ReplyDeleteIt's as though I'm watching a rerun of a train wreck in agonizingly slow motion. I can't fix my past but I think I can fix my daughter's future ... likely the same way my mom thought she could fix mine. I remember thinking she was over the top and picked at me about the stupidest things ... Hmmmm ...
By the way, everyone should have a life coach. I'm very grateful to my own.