Are you growing?

As a new grandmother, I am amazed as I watch the growth of this new little person. Everytime I see him, he has grown and expanded in wonderful ways. His physical growth continues according to a deep, physioligical calendar. And it has caused me to wonder, what about personal growth?

For many years, I was privileged to be a part of an international organization that valued personal growth, and it has become a habit of my life to consider my mental, physical, social and spiritual growth. Every year I had goals in each of these areas. But recently, as I have experienced a family crisis, I have begun to think of these areas of growth in new ways. As I have been faced with unexpected disasters, I began to ask God for direction in pursuing areas of personal growth. While I was still reeling from the emotional effects of our current family situation, I began to look for resources to help me navigate this new and uncharted path of my life. I joined a Bible study with other women who were recovering from various personal traumas. Our weekly meetings were like gold to me as we had mined the truth of Scripture and shared how we applied these truths to our new path of life. We shared what we had read and of the help we had received. We talked about relationships, our thoughts, our reactions and our victories along the way, as well as many failures. We learned to give ourselves grace as we were tempted to want to apply everything at once. We developed deep social and spiritual connections that have given us support in our journeys.

How is your personal growth? Do you have friends who are committed to help you on your journey? Have you recently experienced a personal crisis, and how has your personal growth been affected by your situation, and by your supportive friends? What have you been reading that has contributed to your personal growth?

I am looking forward to hearing from you,

Warmly,
Darla

Recreation = Recreating

Oxford dictionary defines recreation as a 'means of recreating oneself, pleasurable exercise or employment.' That seems to indicate that our work could actually have an element of recreation.

Have you found that to be true?

What do you think of the following quote?
U.S. novelist James A. Mitchener states:
"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labour and his leisure...his information and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he is always doing both."

Spontaneous Fun: Postpone the "To Do List"!

The ringing of the phone broke the silence of the quiet summer evening. As I answered, I was pleasantly surprised by my sister's cheerful voice inviting me to spend a couple days at her cottage.

Usually a visit there meant lots of people, lots of cooking and tons of noise. But her request meant just the two of us. Ah! Dreaming of the beauty that would surround me, giving me a quiet spot to relax, to read with no phones, dirty fingers or laundry, excited me. Quickly my excitement waned as I remembered my "to do" list. It included defrosting the deep freeze, thoroughly scrubbing the ceramic tiles which had been neglected for too long, answering speaking requests as well as writing assignments due later that week.

What a decision...the water in the lake or the water in the scrub pail? What would your choice be?

It's been said that "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Now I don't want to be 'dull' so I chose the lake water, beautiful Lake Muskoka. Grabbing a few essentials (toothbrush and bathing suit), I set out for the three hour drive. On arrival, it only took minutes for hugs, then a sprint to the waters' edge. The calming effect of water sparkling like diamonds, the soft breezes creating unending ripples, and the bluest sky I'd seen in months, all convinced me that I had made the right decision.

Since we can't always go to a cottage, how do you incorporate recreation into your day? A break from the routine can inspire new ideas and energy.

What are some ideas you have used to have fun with your family?

Share with us your thoughts and ideas about the importance of Fun and Recreation throughout the year.

Whatever happened to fun?

What happens to fun as we grow up?

Having lived in a family filled with fun and laughter, I expected it to just remain an integral part of my life. In my early career years, I loved my work and had many friends who loved fun as much as I did. Living with 4 roommates in a home, we added fun to our everyday lives. Every weekend there were invitations to go skiing (living 1 hour away from Banff made this irresistible), potluck dinner parties with inventive themes, movie nights, and the hard-to-resist shopping marathons. As a new wife, I recall fun times being a natural ingredient in our marriage - lots of laughter and light-hearted moments.

When the children were young it was my dream 'job', celebrating life and laughter with these little enjoyable ones. Every day was an adventure.

I first noticed fun leaking out of our lives a few years later, as parental responsibilities became more challenging, and the stresses of life began pressing in. It happened without me noticing, until the day I heard my psychologist friend say, “The number one need of business and professional women is fun.” That just stopped me in my tracks. (and I happen to believe that it's the #1 need of all women). As I reflected on my friend's statement, I came to believe it was true of me. I agreed with her that I had been trying to nurture everyone else in my life, without nurturing myself. I had indeed depleted my resources, and there was precious little energy left, and no fun.
I began to resolutely put fun back into my life, and that of my family's.

When our daughter was going through a rough time, I promised to put so much fun into our lives that I hoped 'she wouldn't be able to stand it'! She started horseback riding lessons, and as I watched from outside the paddock, I observed her build a unique and special rapport with her horse. It was magic to watch her, and it added to her self esteem as well as adding fun to her days. We started going to a craft class in our small town, where we would spend an hour or 2 being taught a craft and walking out with the finished product. Soon the craft table was filled with women and their daughters (many of whom were friends we had recruited) We reinstated family nights for silly games and funny movies. We began camping together...certainly more fun for the kids, but I was game.

I also invited a group of women to a lunch one day. They were acquaintances from our church who I never had the time to get to know. We began a monthly lunch group at each others' homes, and called it 'The Fun Lunch Group.' It nurtured us every month - many laughs, and some tears as we grew very close and shared the ups and downs of life.

My older brother and I share jokes by email - he lives far away and I only see him once each year, but these laughs keep us close. My Mom and I also share a great sense of humour. We took a trip to Italy together and expected to have fun, but we turned into Lucy and Ethel, with a new and funny adventure every day.

Is there fun in your daily life? What things are fun for you?
I wonder if this is partly a generational issue - my 20 something daughter seems to have a lot of fun with little effort - is it easier for women under 40?
Are you able to take time out for things you think of as fun without feeling guilty?

Please let me hear from you - I speak to women of all ages, and would love to hear your comments.

Yours in Fun,
Darla

Women need fun!

A psychologist friend of mine told me that the top need of women today is fun. Does that surprise you? Apparently, as women, we are very good at nurturing everyone else at our expense. Are you working hard to put fun into your life this summer?

Do you build personal time into your summer schedule? How is it working for you?

Enjoy your summer!
Darla

How are you investing?

In a couple weeks I will celebrate my 20^th wedding anniversary.

I don’t feel old enough and I certainly don’t look old enough (at least that’s what I tell myself to feel better LOL).

When I stop to look back over the last 20 years I see an incredible ride. If you put it on a flow-chart, it might resemble the New York Stock Exchange. There have certainly been some high times, some low times and some in-between times. And not necessarily when I might have expected them. Sometimes a crisis brought us closer together and times of smooth sailing had us drifting apart …following our own direction and interests.

So, as we approach this milestone, I ask myself “To what can we attribute our success?”

Hmmm. Good question. I don’t necessarily have an easy answer. But, when I go back to the “flow chart” analogy, I remember that marriage really is an investment. And, like many of the riskier investments that bring a large return, an investment in marriage is a long-term investment. It’s true that there have been times when I’ve wondered about my decision. …times when the bottom seemed to be dropping out and the temptation was to “sell now…sell now …get out with what I can”. (OK…that sounds a bit more dramatic than I meant it, but it works with the analogy – don’t you think?) I’ve learned though, that the valley times, the times when the balance is lowest, provide an opportunity – an opportunity to invest even more…to make deposits and build up what’s left. And in my experience, when two people invest themselves in a marriage relationship (not just their petty cash), the return on investment is significant.

So today, I’m grateful as I look on my figurative flow-chart and realize that if I were to draw a line through the center of the peaks and valleys, I would see a gradual upward climb. It’s been a solid investment and I don’t regret my decision -- and the dividends ain’t bad either!

So, how are you investing in your marriage?

I'm not like that...am I?

Not too long ago, I was utilizing the services of a life coach. (Just because I am one, doesn’t mean I can’t use some help now and then sorting out my own “stuff”.) She has amazing insight and was often able to put her finger right on something that needed attention. On one of our calls, I was voicing my frustrations around the fact that my husband, Kevin, wasn’t picking up after himself. (I’m sure no one can relate to that one!) Once I finished venting, she asked me, “So, how are you like that?”

“I’m not!” I adamantly replied. “I don’t leave my stuff all over the place. I am not like that and that is why it drives me crazy.”

She patiently listened to my defensive reply and then went on to explain that often the things that trigger our frustrations are traits that we don’t like about ourselves. While I usually valued her ideas and opinions, I knew she had to be dead wrong on this one. But I decided not to argue and we moved on to other things. But, even after the call -- in fact, over the next several days -- the question didn’t move on. It rang over and over in my mind. How am I like that? How am I like that? Like what? I don’t leave my socks on the floor….that’s just inconsiderate. Wait…inconsiderate. How am I inconsiderate? Bingo. That’s it! Sometimes I am inconsiderate. Sometimes I don’t return phone calls right away. Sometimes I forget to return borrowed items. Sometimes I say I will submit by Blog entry by Friday and then don’t send it until Monday. Yikes….I AM inconsiderate!

So, like a dog with its tail between its legs, I admitted to my coach (and more importantly to myself) that I possess some of the traits that I find most frustrating in others. OUCH. And that realization has brought a better understanding of grace and forgiveness. Perhaps it’s time to focus on the plank in my own eye and extend some grace to others – including my husband.

As iron sharpens iron, so one spouse sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17, my paraphrase).

How are you being sharpened in your relationships?

- Wendy