How are you investing?

In a couple weeks I will celebrate my 20^th wedding anniversary.

I don’t feel old enough and I certainly don’t look old enough (at least that’s what I tell myself to feel better LOL).

When I stop to look back over the last 20 years I see an incredible ride. If you put it on a flow-chart, it might resemble the New York Stock Exchange. There have certainly been some high times, some low times and some in-between times. And not necessarily when I might have expected them. Sometimes a crisis brought us closer together and times of smooth sailing had us drifting apart …following our own direction and interests.

So, as we approach this milestone, I ask myself “To what can we attribute our success?”

Hmmm. Good question. I don’t necessarily have an easy answer. But, when I go back to the “flow chart” analogy, I remember that marriage really is an investment. And, like many of the riskier investments that bring a large return, an investment in marriage is a long-term investment. It’s true that there have been times when I’ve wondered about my decision. …times when the bottom seemed to be dropping out and the temptation was to “sell now…sell now …get out with what I can”. (OK…that sounds a bit more dramatic than I meant it, but it works with the analogy – don’t you think?) I’ve learned though, that the valley times, the times when the balance is lowest, provide an opportunity – an opportunity to invest even more…to make deposits and build up what’s left. And in my experience, when two people invest themselves in a marriage relationship (not just their petty cash), the return on investment is significant.

So today, I’m grateful as I look on my figurative flow-chart and realize that if I were to draw a line through the center of the peaks and valleys, I would see a gradual upward climb. It’s been a solid investment and I don’t regret my decision -- and the dividends ain’t bad either!

So, how are you investing in your marriage?

I'm not like that...am I?

Not too long ago, I was utilizing the services of a life coach. (Just because I am one, doesn’t mean I can’t use some help now and then sorting out my own “stuff”.) She has amazing insight and was often able to put her finger right on something that needed attention. On one of our calls, I was voicing my frustrations around the fact that my husband, Kevin, wasn’t picking up after himself. (I’m sure no one can relate to that one!) Once I finished venting, she asked me, “So, how are you like that?”

“I’m not!” I adamantly replied. “I don’t leave my stuff all over the place. I am not like that and that is why it drives me crazy.”

She patiently listened to my defensive reply and then went on to explain that often the things that trigger our frustrations are traits that we don’t like about ourselves. While I usually valued her ideas and opinions, I knew she had to be dead wrong on this one. But I decided not to argue and we moved on to other things. But, even after the call -- in fact, over the next several days -- the question didn’t move on. It rang over and over in my mind. How am I like that? How am I like that? Like what? I don’t leave my socks on the floor….that’s just inconsiderate. Wait…inconsiderate. How am I inconsiderate? Bingo. That’s it! Sometimes I am inconsiderate. Sometimes I don’t return phone calls right away. Sometimes I forget to return borrowed items. Sometimes I say I will submit by Blog entry by Friday and then don’t send it until Monday. Yikes….I AM inconsiderate!

So, like a dog with its tail between its legs, I admitted to my coach (and more importantly to myself) that I possess some of the traits that I find most frustrating in others. OUCH. And that realization has brought a better understanding of grace and forgiveness. Perhaps it’s time to focus on the plank in my own eye and extend some grace to others – including my husband.

As iron sharpens iron, so one spouse sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17, my paraphrase).

How are you being sharpened in your relationships?

- Wendy

Asking the Hard Questions

Hilary is one of my very best friends. We met six years ago at university and, in ways only God could orchestrate, we began meeting once a week for accountability and prayer. While I have heard some people knock accountability – stating that each person can withhold information and not be truthful – I have found this to be one of the most defining aspects in my relationship with Christ.

As single, young women, Hilary and I met for dinner once a week (or by phone when distance separated us) to discuss, challenge, analyze, and pray over the choices that faced our futures: How could we best serve and honour God in our lives today? What was hindering us from growing closer to the Lord? How could we encourage one another in areas where we were struggling? …And one of the most common topics: How can we honour God in our relationships with guys and prepare for marriage during our single years?

Hilary has now been married to the man of her dreams for just over three months. Her husband is one of the most godly men I know and it thrills my heart to see the love God has given them for one another! I know that friendships change when marriage enters the picture, and so they should. But I am thankful for my faithful friend and our weekly phone calls that have continued even now. She asks me the tough questions that can only be asked by someone who knows you beyond your circumstances, into your heart. She's not afraid to confront my sin and point me to Christ. Her encouragement and prayers challenge me to pursue God’s best, to bring glory to Him with my life, and to fall more in love with Jesus every day.

Do you have a friend who can ask you the tough questions? A friend you can encourage to become more like Jesus? A woman who will speak Truth into your life when you are believing lies? Who will pray with you when you don’t have the words to pray? And remind you of God’s love and faithfulness?

I pray that you do have such a friend. If not, I encourage you to pray that God would show you someone to invite to be this person in your life.

With joy!

Michelle